One On One

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I met with two people today for different reasons.

One, I met over lunch. While eating sandwiches, we talked about recent events, feelings about world events happening around us, and perspectives on philosophical and religious ideas.

The other, I met over dinner. Over bowls of soup, we talked about some of our current interests and hopes for the future, along with carrying on topics from previous conversations we’ve had.

These conversations were with different people, but they were equally important and equally energizing. I felt safe. I felt seen. I felt challenged a few times. I felt encouraged numerous times. And I offered all those things in turn to the other person.

Nothing beats a good one-on-one conversation. Especially a face-to-face one.

In recent years as social media use has seemed to take over the world and my free time, I’ve tended to take for granted the time I spend talking to or meeting with people individually. An in-person interaction is so much more natural and normal to me—yes, I’m an extrovert—that I often don’t appreciate it when it’s happening. I only appreciate it after I’ve spent too long in an internet rabbit hole that leaves me feeling emotionally numb or drained or unfulfilled.

Human beings are wired for connection. The internet and the corporations that control it take that phrase literally—connection happens over wires and wirelessly, though “wireless connection” actually takes a huge amount of interconnected hardware.

However, ever since the dawn of humankind, we’ve been defined by our relationships with other people, or lack thereof. Isolating a human being from other people is one of the worst things you can do to them. Some would rather die than be isolated because of how torturous being physically alone can be.

The human mind, neurons firing constantly millisecond after millisecond, is capable of subconsciously reading emotion and body language and applying it to the words a person is saying (or not saying). In-person conversations are so wildly complex, using dozens of subtexts and references all at once. They an active engagement of the mind that technology cannot fully replicate or replace. Even a video call with a coworker or loved one can’t completely replace the experience of being in the same physical location as them (cue “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”).

In both of my meetings today, I was challenged about how I use social media.

In one conversation, I was reminded that sharing content on social media only has a limited amount of real-world impact and only results in a limited form of communication with others. Billions of dollars’ worth of neuroscience tricks are what convince us these tools are indispensable.

In the other conversation, I was reminded that social media generally operates under its own rules and frequently tosses the desires of the user out the window. We can try to curate our social media use all we want, but we’ll never be able to fully control the algorithms behind the curtains.

But here’s a truth for you: this blog wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t met with those two people today. I didn’t know what I was going to write about for today until after my dinner meeting as I was driving home. This is an eleventh-hour blog post.

I value the one-on-one moments in my life now more than ever. Moments of intimacy with people are more valuable than words can express. They produce deeper, more meaningful connection than can ever be electronically simulated. Even by a chatbot.

There’s a reason I pursue these encounters on a regular basis. I’m more fulfilled by them than I ever could be through sending social media content into the ether or having a conversation with someone over the phone. Emojis, memes, and gifs are great, but they can’t replace real emotion witnessed in-person.

Neither social media nor texting are bad. They have their place, and I often communicate with people using these tools simply because meeting up with them in-person isn’t an option.

But nothing will ever replace the one-on-one.